teens and games

[Cammi Madison]

I took my son to a friend's house the other night and they had four X-Boxes setup. Gaming is a big deal with teens these days. A Facebook Application Analytics survey revealed that games are growing among teens. I would love to have some insight on how to address the issues at hand with my teens.
How are you all teaching kids to discriminate between decent and repulsive games? How are you all limiting game time and yet teaching kids how to limit time themselves? I would value your input. Any tips or advice that you guys have would be great. Thanks for helping us out.

[Roger Travis]

It's a great question, Cammi! I don't have kids who are that age, yet, myself, and my students are just a bit older than what I think many people agree is the critical age when parental guidance still has an impact, but my approach with my 10 year-old is to force her to talk about the games she's playing and to contextualize both the mechanics (e.g. "killing people (or monsters) is what you do in this game") and the narratives (e.g. saving the universe from aliens) within the framework of our particular family's values.

I'm always trying to make sure that she (and my 6yo, though those conversations are much simpler) can't mistake the game's values for her own values. I know from my own experience that the thrill of defeating my character's enemies is real, and not something to be repressed, but I also know from my own experience that I can separate that thrill, and examine it, and even critique it. I like to think my daughter is starting to be able to do that too, which is in my opinion a very good thing.

[David Carlton]

For better or for worse, I haven't really had to deal with these questions so much. My daughter (who is 10 years old) is quite timid, so she naturally shies away from the sorts of games that you (and quite possibly I!) would find repulsive. And I actually play video games significantly more than she does, so I don't worry too much about limiting her game playing time; we sometimes nudge her away from screens, but she also spends a lot of time doing stuff in her room (where there isn't a computer or a TV). So, really, she's a very easy child to be a parent of!

One thing that I'm curious about: do you like video games yourself? (Not all of them, I'm just curious if there are any you play regularly.) One thing that I've found is that, when I'm approaching an artistic genre that I'm not familiar with, I find it very easy to come up with surface aspects that I dislike, and that makes it hard for me to engage with people who enjoy that genre. Whereas if I spend some time with that genre and go out of my way to pursue paths into the genre that catch my interest, then I have a mental shift: I see good things that I didn't see before, and while there are probably aspects of the genre that I still don't like, I can understand why those bad aspects aren't dealbreakers for fans of the genre. And I just feel happier being around the genre.

[Ryan O'Laughlin]

I don't have any kids, but I have seven younger brothers and sisters who play a huge variety of games. I have been advising my mother on what to get them and how to make these decisions for years.
My best advice is to judge the content of the game in question with the maturity level of the individual. Some games appear to have very "safe" content, but can lead to fights or obsessive behavior in the wrong person or group. Other games can be very adult or hyperviolent and have no impact whatsoever on others.
When Gears of War first came out, my 13 year old brother wanted it for Christmas. I informed my mom that the multiplayer was one of the most hyper-violent experiences I've seen in an online multiplayer game. However, my mom took this into context and decided that my brother was more mature than most kids his age and picked it up for him. Compare this to my two younger brothers, who would destroy the room they shared in a fight over who would play Super Monkey Ball. While only a couple of years younger, they were a lifetime less mature.
My point is that the same rules don't apply well to every child. Think about not only what is in the game but what games in general do to them. If they can self-moderate, have a constructive experience with their friends and not over-generalize the content, they will be fine with almost any game. If they have obsessive tendencies or appear to be sublimating violence by playing, the content of the game will be far more important to judge.

[Roger Travis]

That's a great point, Ryan--my own son and daughter are very different from one another in this regard. Things that my daughter takes in stride my son at the same age will shy away from. I think the most important thing may be to make sure you're paying attention to how the kid does with what he or she plays.